Friday, February 21, 2014

Dating: The Sequel

I want to...no, NEED to...address this topic as I received a very interesting email from a very kind woman seeking my advice. I know that I have talked about dating in some of my previous posts and even have a post called Dating. I just went back and re-read my "Dating" post from almost 2 years ago and it made me cringe a little bit...I said in that post that hopefully in the future I would gain more insight into the dating with Dystonia world and revise, so here is my revision. But first, what brought this on? A very nice and confused woman from Malaysia of all places!

I received an email this week from a woman who just started dating a guy with Cervical Dystonia. She asked me two questions that I found to be very interesting. The first: How will Cervical Dystonia affect our relationship in the long run?" The second: "Am I making a huge mistake by committing myself to him?" 

I found these questions fascinating because it gave me insight into what men might potentially question about me before considering dating me or committing themselves to me. It stung a little but they are legitimate questions and concerns and I wanted to address them and give my perspective in case another confused man or woman questioning their relationship stumbles across my blog.




To answer this question I had to put myself in her shoes and think hard about whether or not I would be able to date someone with Dystonia or any other illness. If I was the healthy one and I met someone with Dystonia, would I be wasting my time by dating or committing myself to them? Could I be strong enough to accept someone for who they are, Dystonia included if I loved them? Why would the illness even be a factor? My thoughts: If you love someone, you love every piece of them. Wedding vows are "in sickness and in health" for a reason and should not be taken lightly. (And yes I'm aware of the irony of this considering I almost walked down the aisle.)

Because the truth is, if I met a good, kind man and I legitimately liked him and saw a future, what in the world would keep me away?? I can't imagine looking someone in the face and saying, "I'm sorry, you're a wonderful person and I could really see a future, but because you have Dystonia, I'm going to have to pass." It's just like the last idiot I tried to date more or less telling me that because I had a child I wasn't worth his time. If you really want to make it work with someone, nothing, and I mean NOTHING should keep you away. 


I understand that the fact is, not everyone has the strength to date someone with a little bit of adversity in their lives. It's just how it is. Not everyone is a good match even if the chemistry is there. My life is filled with good days and bad days, Botox appointments every 3 months and days filled with pain afterwards. Does it make me any less worthy of love? Does it define who I am and what I have to offer? It has made my life more difficult but it has also made me more compassionate. It has made me accept that health doesn't last forever and it is something to truly cherish. I have met some amazing people and have been inspired to tears. It has forced me to be strong when I want to give up. It has made me appreciate the good days and find a way to laugh through the bad ones. I have found a powerful desire to keep on keepin' on when things seem impossible, and if that is something to be found undesirable, then there's not much I can do about that. You just have to hope someday someone will appreciate everything you have to offer. 




I have experienced someone I was dating tell me that if I was perfectly healthy things would be different right before we broke up. And it BROKE me. Validated every insecurity I had about my situation and rubbed it in my face. But you know what I took away from that ignorant and pig-headed statement? IT'S NOT ME THAT IS THE PROBLEM IN THIS SITUATION. It is absolutely, 100% his problem and should not be a reflection of my worth. I hope everyone with Dystonia or any other unfavorable circumstance realizes this. 
Because don't we all have something in our lives that is less than perfect, less than favorable?  



This was part of my response to my new friend in Malaysia.

This guy might try to push you away or continue to question why you would commit yourself to him. But I believe what he needs more than anything, if your heart is willing, is reassurance. It takes a strong person to accept someone despite the hard circumstances. I have come to learn that what I personally need more than anything in a partner is someone who loves me so much they are willing to go through all the ups and downs with me. I would hope someone wouldn't give up on me because I have Dystonia.

I think in a way, everyone has a Dystonia. That ONE thing in their life that makes them question why ANYONE would choose them, pick them, love them. 

Let's be honest, we all want that love and I believe we all deserve that love. I appreciate this woman taking the time to evaluate her relationship. I hope she gives this man a chance and doesn't go running and screaming in the opposite direction. 

Dating for me is a whole new game now; I not only have Dystonia but I now have a beautiful baby girl. I have already experienced someone making me feel...bad? unworthy? about having a child. Like she's baggage or something undesirable. It stung. and honestly made me feel like shit. And I cried. A lot. And those old questions of who the hell would want to date me? came crawling back like a bad infection. It took me a couple weeks to snap out of it and realize that his inability to accept every faucet of my life is his problem and not mine. And that's okay. A portion of that quote from He's Just Not That Into You came flooding into my head..


"...looked into your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you he was no longer in need of your company."

No one should take stock of all your amazing and flawed qualities and make you feel like you're not good enough. 

So my take on dating with Dystonia, whether you suffer from it or are dating someone with it, it doesn't define who you are. It hasn't defined how nice of a person I am, it hasn't affected my ability to love and laugh and travel and enjoy life and desire and crave love and make something of myself. It is part of my journey and I fully believe that someday, someone WILL take full stock of me and all my qualities and be like yes, you are enough. I hope everyone experiences this someday. I came so close to settling for less than what I now know I deserve. We all deserve magic. Life is too short for vanilla love.




Wait for it...


13 comments:

  1. Hi ,
    I may have the answer for dystonia sufferers.
    I am a former sufferer of dystonia and want to offer you my support if you are still struggling with this awful disorder or another movement type of neurological disorder.

    I have put many years of my life into helping dystonia sufferers find relief, and through my efforts was able to get a medical study done at Johns Hopkins Medical Center with the program that helped me.

    It is my pleasure and privilege to work full time in helping dystonia sufferers find relief and get educated
    on the health fundamentals that I have discovered that can make a huge difference on improving one's health.

    I have been effective in helping dozens of dystonia sufferers find relief and have worked with those in
    28 countries and 48 states. Please feel free to call me if you would like to learn more about my work
    and how I have been helping others.

    There is nothing more enjoyable than seeing those I work with find the relief and hope as I received many years ago.
    For more information, please visit my website at http://www.dystoniahealthadvocate.com.
    Thank you.
    Steve Zarren

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    1. Am jeremiah, I am testifying about a great hebal man that cured my wife of hepatitis B and liver cirhosis. his name is Dr oniha. My wife was diagnose of hepatities two years ago, i almost spent all i had then, until i saw dr oniha recommendation online, and i call him, then he told me how to get the herb. You can call him on +2347089275769 or email him at dronihaspell@yahoo.com

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  2. I was finding out same things on different place. Finally get it from your blog site. So thanks for your post & hope to visit again for more valuable contents. dating

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  3. Nicole, your report is miraculous, as usual.

    You are a great person, even if you have dystonia.
    Without my dear wife I would not be the person whom I am today.
    Without my woman I would not have got over the worst time with dystonia.
    Our love has thereby grown and has become stronger a lot.

    Also you will find a dear person who loves you in such a way as you are (also with your daughter). I wish this you from whole heart.
    I wish this all people with dystonia.

    Franz Krämer

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  4. Thank you Steve, that is amazing. And thanks Franz, I hope I find that person too

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  5. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERB MY WIFE WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM DYSTONIA.
    Is my pleasure to comment on this site and i thank the admin of this site for his/her great work so far.one of the happiest moment in my life was when the doctor confirm that my wife is been free from this illness. this awesome moments makes me the happiest man on earth, I really don't know how to thank DR WILLIAMS for helping my wife get cured for over how many year of suffering from dystonia. i came across DR Williams contact through a headline news on internet about how DR Williams help a woman to get cured of her dystonia and so many other with similar body problem ,i contacted him and he told me how to get his herb,few day later he sent me the herbal portion which my wife take every morning for 28 days, and his medicine was able to cure her completely from dystonia. and now she very mush okay without any side effects whatsoever, If you have dystonia, you can contact him on his email address drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear FRIENDS,
    now i have a beautiful smiling face and so are which you all, after reading my testimony. My name is kate, I am 31 years old,
    And live with my boyfriend in Belgium, but I am UK. I was diagnosed in 2012 with cervical dystonia/spasmodic torticollis. Doctors told me this condition was forever. I know how you feel and what you are going through, I don't have a baby though. I just want to tell you that I am cured now,with the help of doctor williams herbal medication, the last time I can remember having cervical dystonia was in the summer of 2016. It was a long and difficult process but I am so thankful to dr williams I don't have it anymore. Please know you can be cured too. Accept what happened and is happening to you, forgive, let the past go, love yourself and others unconditionally and be thankful. Everything happens for a reason. If you want to be in contact with dr williams and share your own testimony and thoughts feel free to e-mail him on; drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product.

    Reply

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  7. I am Shelley from Los Angeles,California, I want to testify on how i got cured from cervical dystonia, I have suffered from cervical dystonia since the year 2011 with so mush pain,that i have to spend so mush money getting pain relief in the hospital, and I have visited several doctor ,but all to no avail, my world was gradually coming to an end because of the constant muscle contractions and pain , until i saw a post in a health forum about a herbal Dr Williams who use herbal portion in curing people from different kind of diseases including dystonia, at first i doubted if it we be able to cure me, but i decided to give it a try, when i contacted this herbal doctor via his email, he prepared a herbal portion and sent it to me via courier service, when i received this herbal medicine, he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed, i was completely free from dystonia just for 1 months of usage,i we recommend this to all my friend family in the world today who still suffering from dystonia you can contact him through his email on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Thanks to Dr Williams I am so mush happy today, I have been suffering from cervical dystonia for the past 8 years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to become dystonia free , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after I took his medication as instructed, i am now completely free from dystonia within one month of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have dystonia you can always go through his website on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for more information .

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  11. I am Karen from Canada, I once suffered from cervical dystonia,for more than 30 years , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly had jerky head movements and muscles contract ,this ailment was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 30 years, this was really a terrible ailment ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs Jessica on how her daughter was been cured from cervical dystonia through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine, i used it for 1 months as prescribed by Dr Williams and i was totally cured within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign or characteristics again for more information you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help .

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