Friday, June 29, 2012


Talk about writer's block-I've been finding myself a little unsure of what I want to write about. I am excited and blessed to say that I have been asked by the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation to write an article for the Dystonia Dialogue on what it is like living with this disorder in my early 20's. They want me to write about dating, college life, establishing my independence, ect. Basically everything in my life that is difficult or altered by the nature of this disorder.
I'm not quite sure why I have felt so unsure about my writing and my thoughts and believing that what I am trying to do with this blog will make a difference. I try not to let the ignorance of people get to me but someone close to me..of course, a guy I care about very much... said someting to me a couple weeks ago that shook me more than I thought it would.
One of the things that I want to talk about in my article is dating. Proving to be a very difficult thing to do. It was easy dating someone who was there from the beginning, but starting over with someone new and explaining exactly what I go through...what a headache. The level of ignorance and a lack of understanding is something that I do not know how to deal with...
"If you were healthy, things would be different." Ahh. Such harsh words. Hard to shake off. Validating all my fears and insecurities about being alone...I don't even really know how to feel about it. I know not all guys are like that but still, who says that? Who has thoughts like that? It's not MY fault that I'm not as healthy as everybody else. Insane...

Dating, not so fond of it right now. It's not like I'm contagious. I just require a little more maintenence than most. Like a really expensive car. Kidding... Honestly, how hard is it to simply be there for someone? To hold someone's hand through a 20 minute treatment appointment? I don't know what else to say about that. Dating is hard. Period. Patience is key here I suppose. Blah. Very frustrating. I feel like a .
I wonder if anyone else my age has encountered this problem.
It's one thing to think bad thoughts like that but actually looking at someone and saying "If you were healthy things would be different, maybe then we would be together." What the F*?#??????????

This isn't a very positive post. I apologize. Maybe I will gain some insight to this in the future and come back and revise. For now, that's it. Sitting with those words in my head and in my heart and trying to work through them. Trying to not let it affect me. I can't lie though, it does. It did. It hurt me.

I guess the point is that it is VITAL so surround yourself with people who understand and love you despite your circumstances. Circumstances should never overpower love and control a situation to an extreme extent. Such a shame.